This week Sunday Scribblings prompts us to write about Nemesis. So here goes.
Envy. Remember Amadeus? Salieri was so keenly aware of Mozart's genius that he (Salieri) let it consume him. Why can't I be so gifted, obsessed Salieri. How can this vulgar brute produce music of such divine inspiration? As depicted in the film, Salieri's envy of Mozart took both of them down in the end (not sure how true to the facts that rendition is, but nevermind). The thing of it is, you can't envy someone without admiring their talents or whatever it is they have that you want for yourself. But you can admire someone without envying them. So where does the envy come from? It has to come from wanting what they have but somehow thinking that you are incapable of having it too and that without it, you are in some way inferior. So envy is pernicious, the downfall, ruin, undoing of Salieri because Salieri allowed his own gifts to be diminished in the face of Mozart's.
I experience this sometimes when I read gifted authors. Rather than just enjoying their work, I let their talent diminish my own, as if unless I can write like them, I have no right to write at all. That can really put the stopper on flow, and we all know how important flow is to creativity. There is a lot of creative space in the universe. Enough that it's not necessary to begrudge others their gifts and talents.
I don't want envy to be my nemesis, but I do fear it. I am not a visual artist, so I can't draw envy, but if I could, it would really, really ugly. And green, of course.