Today I was reading Linda Hirshman's book, Get to Work. I like it. It's a real return to the basics of what I would call Second Wave feminism. It's a great "Manifesto" about the homeward bound modern woman. It's kind of depressing, really, to read about the number of women who are choosing to stay home. But even further, those of us who do not choose to stay home are still "homeward bound." We still carry the brunt of the domestic labour. The home, she thinks, is where women wield the most power. If we can take a stand where the housework is concerned, we might have something to bargain with. I read this while I was on the crosstrainer today, and as I read, my feet started moving faster and faster. I read over the quote from Pat Mainardi's list of "dirty chores." Sadly, my list (still) approximates hers: "buying groceries, carting them home and putting them away; cooking meals and washing dishes and pots; doing the laundry; digging out the place when things get out of control; washing floors." She goes on: "The longer my husband contemplated these chores, the more repulsed he became...As he felt himself backed into the corner laden with dirty dishes, brooms, mops and reeking garbage, his front teeth grew longer and pointier, his fingernails haggled and his eyes grew wild. Housework trivial? Not on your life! Just try to share the burden." As an aside, I should say that I do not wash floors but I do experience guilt that I pay someone else to do it.Okay, I can relate. But still, I find the title to be kind of overbearing. Get to Work, you say? Get to Work? I feel like all I ever do these days is work. Work, work,work. How about take a day off? How about relax and do nothing? I'm feeling absolutely and entirely crushed by my work right now. I think that it's a tough sell to lump the women for whom housework is the second shift in together with those for whom it is the only shift. As a second shifter, I don't need to be told to "get to work." What I really need is to be told, or to tell myself, to get some rest. Work be damned. I'm taking the night off.
6 comments:
ha. i love the movement in this post. i'm a big believer in 50/50 for house stuff, and we manage to work that most of the time. what i've given up on though is high standards. if i had to have my place really clean (like i preferred pre living with brian) i'd be cleaning all the time, because he won't really notice things until they're bad (in general).
but as for you first point: It's kind of depressing, really, to read about the number of women who are choosing to stay home, isn't it fine as long as these women feel they really have a choice? I mean, staying home wouldn't be OK for me (I don't think), but hey, if a woman feels fulfilled by taking care of her kids and house, I say more power to her. Though I am clearly not a women's studies philosopher... so i'm a little afraid of challenging you on this! :)
Challenge away. We philosophers thrive on disagreement. I'm not sure it's fine *in this world such as it is*. Thinking you have a choice isn't the same thing as actually having one. I would question how frequently there is any serious consideration given to the question of which partner (in a heterosexual relationship) will stay home and take care of the domestic labour. It's worth thinking about why, in our society, this isn't really a "choice" that men have available to them to make. Given that, it is unclear to me how much of a choice it is for women. I do think that choice is an important issue. Feminists like to talk about "coerced" choice and there is a lot of social pressue on women to be the good housekeeper, wife, mother, daughter.
I think it has a lot to do with modelling. Reading books and having philosophical discussions in classrooms is one thing. But how many of us have other women in our lives who SHOW us how to negotiate equality in housework with a mate. Not my mother or my grandmothers or my aunts....
When I had my daughter I met a wonderful group of women who were very forward thinking and independent and savvy and I listened to them and watched how they did it. It was so much easier then for me to do it too.
While I stayed home with my daughter and was the primary caretaker, Sundays I had completely free. It was my day-off. Which meant from the moment I awoke to the moment I went to sleep, even though I might be home, I didn't change a diaper or make a meal or worry about packing snacks in the outing bag or wash a dish. Nothing. It was wonderful. But I never would have gotten the idea to demand such a thing if another woman hadn't modelled it for me.
As a new mother I was appalled to find myself having to ask my husband to watch the baby if I wanted to go out. It was like having to ask for permission, like I was a teenager again. Seeing how one woman demanded sacrosanct nights and days free was inspiring.
My two cents (hope it was okay to post Tracy)
~ Cathy
I totally agree with you about modelling, and I do know that some women (but it is rare) have negotiated reasonable equality in the home. I think it's quite different when you are in a position, as you are, actually to support yourself if necessary. It's the ones who leave careers for which there is no potential for re-entry if you are out for any length of time that depress me the most because they become completely dependent with little bargaining power.
Very thoughtful comments. I do see the point of coerced choice, and it's a good one. Though it does strike me as progress that a male cousin of mine and his friends, who are not at all forward thinking--were talking about being stay at home dads because their wives make more money. I was shocked (happily)
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