Upon coming home, things started to unravel. The inner critic crept up on me when I wasn't looking and started first whispering, then shouting, all sorts of garbage in my head. I won't go into particulars because the critic doesn't even deserve to be given a public voice. Let's just say that it was a series of crushing and demoralizing verbal assaults and leave it at that. At breakfast (pancakes were absolutely required today), I cried.
Phase two: morning had not yet turned to afternoon, so there was still time to salvage the a.m. I did the morning pages. I strongly believe that if I had done them FIRST, I would have had a good chance of fending off the meltdown. But I have gotten in the Tuesday habit of waiting until after yoga and breakfast. NOTE: consider revisiting that routine. Somehow, from morning pages to morning e-mail to morning news checking, it was time to shower and go to a 12:30 meeting.
Phase three: The day-job. I had a plan: I would attend the meeting and then leave. Come home and do some MFA-related work. Forever the optimist despite the morning tirade from my unwelcome critic. It's not so easy to duck out of the workplace early once you show your face.
Phase four: Library books needed to be picked up, a friend needed to be met for tea.
Phase five: Very, very hungry. With my beloved out of town for the day, I decided that dinner in front of the TV (Golden Globes best and worst dressed report) was in order, even if not exactly "earned."
Phase Six: Important meeting tomorrow morning. Better make some quick notes. Two hours later, I am at...
Phase Seven: Blog.
It will be quite some time before a blog entry is complete without a photo or two from South Africa. Here's the view from the highest of the Twelve Apostles (a hike to end all hikes), looking towards Cape Town. The pointy peak in the distance is Lion's Head.
The Lagoon at Langebaan from West Coast National Park, about 90 minutes drive out of Cape Town:
Mountains and sea, mountains and sea. I'll look for some variety over the next few posts.
Phase Eight: Bed time.
5 comments:
You're way ahead. I give way too much voice to my inner-critic. I know it's sooo hard when that voice starts to badger, but you can recognize it and fight against it and that's so crucial. That's a skill.
You are living such a powerhouse lifestyle. Even the television watching seems deliberate and scheduled. I'm still amazed at the 5 am wake up.
Here's an idea: let's throw a party for our inner critics. Let them dance and gossip and badger one another. Then we'll send someone like Britney Spears or Paris Hilton into the party, and the critics will run for their lives (or, at the very least, they'll see we're not so bad).
Hang in there. Remember, it's training--it takes time to get the body used to a 5 a.m. schedule.
Thanks Gili and FC. It's good to know that I'm not alone fighting the inner critic. And yes, getting the 5 a.m. scehdule on track takes time.
I agree with what FC said on my blog: we're all trying to get back in the routine, and we need to be gentle with ourselves in the meantime. (Here that Inner Critic Bug???)
I'm still spinning. Can barely find time to visit your blogs- have promised myself to post again by tomorrow.
Look who is taking the pretty photos now.
Post a Comment